(SMAP) Something Like But Not Exactly (Part 2)

[dictionarysays]

Something Like But Not Exactly
Kimura/Nakai | PG-13 | Part 2

Kimura hates the way his stomach turns in on itself, and all because of the way Nakai’s looking at him right now, as if Kimura’s been in the wrong all this time and he should magically fix it—he never meant to.

 

                “I never meant to. You know, it’s harder to kiss you than you’d think—you’re not exactly the most willing of the bunch.” Nakai makes a face at that and for a split second, Kimura’s the happiest he’s ever been because it means he doesn’t hate him and maybe it’s not entirely his fault and his legs are irrevocably numb after all this time. “I didn’t think you’d want to, you never said anything—“

 

                “I did now—“

 

                “Exactly. Now; and after how long? Believe it or not, I can’t actually read minds.” Kimura chuckles but Nakai’s not laughing. He should be.

 

                He sighs instead, pulling his hand out of Kimura’s, mumbling, “But you’re Kimura Takuya. If anyone can—it’s you.”

 

                That’s when Kimura gets fed up, he pulls away completely, dislodging his legs from underneath him and trying to ignore the pins and needles in his thighs as he gets up, going for his bag.

 

                “Kimura... ?”

 

                He doesn’t turn to look, his lips tingling as he quickly applies chapstick (mostly because he’s trying to replace the feel of Nakai’s lips and not because the lip balm’s that good) and slings his bag across his arm. “When you stop being an idiot we can talk. Until then, I’m going home.”

 

                Kimura knows he can’t avoid him as he tries to leave, so he doesn’t, he sends him a look and he nearly stops, nearly fucks it all and returns to the cushion beside a Nakai who’s chewing on his lower lip and looking like the too-young leader who’d taken everything on his shoulders when none of them had known any better. But he doesn’t.

 

He keeps going, past the studio lobby and out the entrance where his van’s waiting.

 

 

 

The next morning is more meeting than it is recording; Kimura skims through the itinerary as he plays with his yogurt, eating it slowly, savouring the bits of fruit.

 

For the better part of last night he’d been awake, mulling over things, playing with the bottom of his jeans—he still hadn’t figured it out. Nothing Nakai-kun had said had been wrong, he was right; they’d never kissed, at least, not the kind he was looking for. Kimura noticed it, it was hard not to throughout the years when Shingo was coming to him for practice, something about Tsuyopon being too awkward; while Tsuyopon on the other hand was admirably shy about the whole thing so when they kissed, it was never planned; and then there were those really long breaks that Kimura wished would turn longer as he held Goro close, not wanting to leave the custodian’s closet just yet, letting their hips touch.

 

Kimura likes to believe they're close, it’s hard not to be when he’s spent more than half his life with these men—so the kissing and touching felt inevitable. They were curious, growing in front of one another’s eyes, it only made sense that their questions would come in the form of the hesitant press of lips and the shaking whisper of hands on anything they could reach.

 

Nakai was always grumbling about fan service, he believed in not believing in it but Kimura had tried all the same; arms slung over skinny shoulders was all right and a hug could get by if he saw it coming. Nakai dreaded kisses, the older they got the more they seemed to terrify him, but for the sake of all that was entertaining—they’d traded a few, mostly on the cheek, rarely on the lips (those had been quick and meticulously planned before the recordings—‘I initiate it this time, Kimura, just—don’t move, it’ll be like ripping off a bandage’).

 

Now they were in their thirties—they were almost forty and the physical affection between the two was dwindling. Kimura expected it, he tries not to think about it most days and makes do with the laughs they still share and the snug ease that stretches between the two.

 

Kimura’s still thinking about SMAP when someone pulls up a chair beside him and he lets out a sigh of relief when he looks and it’s Goro-chan. He smiles briefly, wrapped in a thin coat and blowing into his hands—outside is cold, probably colder than Goro had dressed for.

 

“Hey,” Kimura puts the itinerary down, focusing on his yogurt and Goro now.

 

“Hi. You’re early; I thought I’d be the first one here.” Kimura shrugs at that, he doesn’t feel like telling him he couldn’t stay any longer in his house, filled with thoughts he wasn’t the day before. “I saw Shingo and Tsuyoshi up front.”

 

“Mm.” He eats another spoon of the vanilla yogurt, pushing his still hot cup of coffee into Goro’s freezing hands. “Hold this, rubbing won’t do anything.”

 

“Ah. Thanks.” Goro smiles sheepishly, almost shyly and Kimura grins, picking at a strawberry—this time of the day is when he loves Goro the most because he’s still soft at the edges and the state of his hair is the last thing on his mind.

 

After a couple more minutes, Shingo drags himself in, Tsuyoshi on his tail; they’re sharing a bagel and talking about something ridiculous (the sleepy maniacal grin all over Shingo’s face gives it away). After a few more, Nakai’s still not in and Kimura frowns, taking a peek at Shingo’s iPhone—he’s late, he’s never usually.

 

“I’m gonna’ go up front, see if he’s here.” Kimura’s up and gone before the others can nod; Goro swats Shingo with the itinerary when he tries to steal Kimura’s seat.

 

                Kimura stalks down the hallway, making it to the front-lobby in record time where he finds a haggard-looking Nakai arguing with their manager. He’s not close enough to hear the entire conversation but he catches phrases like ‘Just this once’ and ‘I really, really shouldn’t go in there’.

 

Kimura doesn’t realize it until his fists are unclenched and he’s pulling Nakai away and into the closest thing he can find, the staff women’s washroom (which he somehow remembers to lock), that he’s mad and knows exactly what Nakai was arguing about. He doesn’t overlook the frustrated twist in his gut when he slams Nakai into the closed door but he does look right through Nakai's flustered glare and keeps him still when he tries to twist away.

 

“What the fuck!” Nakai’s voice is too hoarse and if this were any other day, Kimura would rummage around in his bag until he found some cough drops and force feed them to the older man, but for today, at this very moment, he doesn’t care (he actually does but if he lets up, this won’t go anywhere and he needs this to go somewhere, he needs them to go anywhere but back).

 

“You trying to avoid me? Seriously?  What are you, six?” Kimura’s angry and his hands hold Nakai’s shoulders tighter, pushing him back, fingers slipping into a stronger hold. He wishes he weren’t seeing red and he wishes even more that his heart wouldn’t race so fast. “That’s fucked, Hiro. You—I’d never expect that, not from you. I thought you were going to stop being an idiot.”

 

Nakai’s shaking beneath his hands and his trucker cap is all askew on his head; Kimura looks down, sighing deeply, focusing on Nakai’s tiny feet, anything but his face. Nothing happens (the vent hums, one of the sinks keeps dripping, there’s rustling outside the door and Nakai’s panting, he probably is too).    

 

“I was scared. Okay?” Kimura’s head shoots up, watching Nakai closely, his mouth bowed in shame, eyebrows knit in embarrassment. Kimura nudges Nakai’s sneaker with his own, his throat’s still bubbling with anger, but he needs to hear this too. “It’s not like you can blame me—just last night, you were pissed. I don’t even know what I did wrong.” Nakai pushes up at him suddenly, catching him unawares and Kimura stumbles back, letting go, but Nakai doesn’t run away like he thought he would. He stays by the door, massaging the sore slope of his shoulder, wincing. “Couldn’t have held on tighter? Shit. I’m old, you know.”

 

All Kimura can do is stare, brushing the hair out of his face, he looks Nakai over and he seems so small, he almost wants to apologize but he’s not good at that type of thing, so he stays quiet instead.

 

“So. Yeah. I thought about it last night and I think—no, I want us to kiss more,” Kimura doesn’t mean for his eyebrows to raise but they do and Nakai laughs, all raspy, at the surprised look that must be written all over his face. He doesn’t mind if that means Nakai will be a little less mad and a little more better (later, Kimura will pass Nakai a newly-bought package of cough drops between rehearsals like he didn’t just buy it on his break that says I’m sorry and Nakai will roll his eyes in a way that says all too clearly We’re okay). “I’m not saying I’m gonna’ let you start kissing me on TV or anything, but—dressing rooms should be okay.”

 

Nakai grins and smiles at the same time, and Kimura thinks it’s his laugh lines, but he’s too busy moving in and kissing Nakai (who's fumbling with his cap), that he can’t grin back but he’s sure Nakai gets the gist.



A/N: Okay, self. Way to ship TakuGoro there (is it so wrong that the coffee cup is like, my favourite moment? /SIGHS) I swear, this is a 2TOP 'fic, but somehow every other pairing made it's way in here (can't lie, it was nice and just seemed to work out that way), hahah. I like this, the ending feels a little rushed but I typed up the last three pages of this during my break between classes and (I couldn't add anymore, even with that nagging feeling), so I think that's about it. I've been really wanting to write some 2TOP for a while, so, at least I was able to scratch that itch, hahah. :DD

And yes, I have a thing for Nakai/Kimura/Beanie. What about it?

Comments

[hereticpop.livejournal.com]

OMFG YES.

I MEAN, HELLO. I MEAN, KIMURA/NAKAI. I MEAN, OMFG YES.

it seems this comment will be a struggle between me wanting to be coherent and me not even trying. uhm. well, I see you added me as a friend and I sure as fuck hope you didn't do it by accident because I freaking love you. ASDTFGHUIJKASURDYCVBNOKM

am not sure if I should start with some proper commentage full of sense except not really, or quotes and CAPSLOCK ABUSE, but I guess I'll go with the latter and probably ramble away in the middle anyway. but there's so much I'd like to quote goddammit. so far I've only exceeded the character limit of a comment once and I'd rather not do it again because it makes me realise I fail at life. oh well.

it’s fitting and there’s now a silver guitar all over his chest
AND HERE I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE AN AWESOME FIC BECAUSE I CAN SO SEE IT. don't make me explain what I mean but IT'S JUST SO THE KIMURA I LOVE.

“You have to promise you won’t ask me why—so, just say yes.”
there's an amazing reasoning there and I LOVE THIS NAKAI TOO. he's all nervous and all and yet he's firm and demanding. this is why I love this pairing, because Nakai is the only one I can see actually telling Kimura to do something, not asking.

It gets quiet and it might have something to do with the fact Nakai had shut the door after coming in unannounced, but Kimura thinks there’s more to it than that.
GAHHH, JUST GAHHHDFGHJK. this is exactly the style I love. when it might but there's more to it and you create this layered reality that is so full of unsaid things and they're practically swimming in the air. I don't know what that is supposed to mean either, I can't explain it well at the moment, but.

“Seriously? You’re deaf? Kiss me, Kimura.” Nakai says, exasperated and rolling his eyes.
THIS AGAIN, THIS. this is exactly the Nakai I mentioned: he comes with this demand and somehow manages to get irritated at Kimura as if he was the one who came up with the idea. HOW HOT CAN YOU GET, NAKAI?
[dammit, that's the first time I proclaimed Nakai hot. this fandom ruins me and it feels so good on top of that.]

A lot more of the Nakai Kimura’s used to shows through and he’s surprised—he thought if anything, he’d be less him right about now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST LOVE YOUR STYLE.

Kimura can’t decide if Nakai’s crazy or stupid, but he does know he only has one life to live and if Nakai can go so far as asking him for a favour, well, then he can probably kiss him too.
AND LOVE IT MORE.

Kimura can’t stand it anymore and he pulls Nakai’s beanie completely off, stuffing it under the cushion; all Nakai can do is shout and frown simultaneously, trying to stifle a pout. Kimura grins, “I don’t kiss people who look like they have a mole rat on their head.”
LOL, Nakai/Kimura/beanie was never my pairing of choice, but I think I could actually get convinced. 8D

“Do it, Takuya.”
OMG FUCK ZRYXCYIVUBINMKKJHGFDSWDFGHNJ I mean, yup. like I said. I love how Kimura makes Nakai so frustrated. YES YOU'RE HOT TOO, TAKU. BUT THEN YOU ALWAYS ARE.

Kimura tilts his head to kiss along Nakai’s throat and up towards his chin, where Nakai meets him halfway and gasps when their lips touch. Kimura stays completely still, he doesn’t dare move; it’s up to Nakai to do what he wants with this.
I think I pretty much died in this moment. the rest of it is me speaking because I haven't realised I'm dead yet.

“What’s a guy gotta’ do to get a little tongue around here?” Nakai smirks more than he says this, somehow murmuring into Kimura’s mouth, through their tongues and teeth.
here I would've died IF I WASN'T ALREADY DEAD YES THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

and I'd have to paste here the next two paragraphs so I'll just skip quoting and say that the whole description of them kissing is plain perfect. <3

“Sure, there’s been bistro and some lives, but—you’ve kissed Shingo before. Tsuyopon too. I don’t even wanna’ know what you and Goro’ve done.”
:D
because: 1. I ship KimuraxSMAP; 2. I ship KimuraxGoro and today is apparently my day of showing my love for KimuraxGoro, so this makes me extremely happy in my pants.

[and I exceeded the character limit, WOOHOO!]

[hereticpop.livejournal.com]

“But you’re Kimura Takuya. If anyone can—it’s you.”
AHHHH. way to go, Nakai. but I love this whole the Kimura Takuya thing and all the angst it brings about.

He keeps going, past the studio lobby and out the entrance where his van’s waiting.
and actually I was scared for a second it would end at that because there was a blank space and I didn't scroll the page - and it would have been complete but a bit too open, that is, it would have made me a bit sad. I SAY YES TO HAPPY FICS. angst ruins my life.

and I just kind of won't continue to quote and to hit my keyboard at random, because it's a laptop's keyboard and it'd be troublesome if I broke it and I don't think I'd come up with anything original except that I need to mention that I liked the Goro-coffee moment a lot. and the ending is absolute perfection and I can like, read it again and again and it makes me smile everytime.

all in all, because school made me believe in summing things up at the end when I try to appear like I have something to say, all in all, I enjoyed and loved this fic on two different levels. one is what is going on and two is how it's going on, i.e. the way you write. I don't think I have expressed even how of my love for the latter in this comment, got too distracted with capslocking. I'm not too good with capslocking, although I guess you're kind of lucky I haven't had coffee this evening. :D once I start talking nonsense, I kind of can't stop. see? stop. now. oh god.

I take it Kimura/Nakai is not your OTP? which is a shame, because it's sort of mine because you write is so damn well. uh. I LOVED IT. that's it.

[I sure hope I didn't fuck up the html anywhere in this comment because it'd be a hell of a comment to fuck up. >.>']

[dictionarysays.livejournal.com]

Your comment is nearly as long as this one-shot and I love that <44

Seeing this pop-up in my e-mail made my turkey weekend that more awesome, like, actually. This (and your other comment), your 'fic, faiee's 'fic and stuffing made me give thanks. :DD

I'm going to try SO HARD to keep my response as reasonably long as possible (/HA)--but it might just work this time! Since I should be studying chinese characters for my mandarin test tonight, but responding to things is just so much fun sometimes.

Never fret! I added you because of our common interests andand anybody with an icon (points at your KIMURA) that uses that picture (during the summer I swear I drooled over the picture at least three times a day, no lies) has no other choice but to be my lj-friend for lyfe. /YOSH No but seriously, your ramblings are amusing too and your 'fic! Deargod, I can't wait to comment under it--I will, I promise.

If it's any consolation? I freakin' love you too! I see much fun & flails in the future for us~ >D

Can I also just say your words were totally awesome and I was grinning the whole time and nodding and just. Yeah. It's really nice to read people getting things and feeling things and other great things, hahah. Don't worry 'bout the rambling and overall incoherency--I'm the exact same, I try to rein it in but it's usually to no avail.

/ATTEMPTS TO BEGIN A REAL REPLY NOW
/DOOOOOOOOOOOM

Guitars on Kim's chest are my life! Anything on his chest, really. Or you know, nothing at all (I think I'm partial to the latter). I've always had a thing for his flannel/plaid tendencies. Nothing else matters in the world when he's wearing plaid--I get the feeling it stems from my love of lumberjacks that started when I was 4. And now plaid is back and I'm a happyhappy camper. /STORY END

OMGYES. Nakai is totally domineering and Kimura likes it that way and he's the only thing that can order that always (it frustrates me to no end how consistent it is) sexy man. I've always loved their dynamic; they're the only pairing that's legitimately downright hot. Every other pairing has this element of cute and sweet and gush, but 2TOP? They're out of this world.

Simply put, they get things going in my pants. /OHYER

I can't even begin to explain how relieved I am that the dynamic worked for you and their interactions made sense and that there was some hot. Outside opinions are waaaaaaay better than my own; coz I'm too close to it, I just think it's lame sometimes.

Hahaha, yes. Another person who may just possibly join the N/K/B-side. Fuck cookies, we've got 2TOP. :D

Shucks. Thanks (about liking the kissing, that is). I'm slowly getting back into the writing-kissing-and-everything-else game (it's been months upon months since I've wrote kisses it feels like, SMAP has slowly been breaking away at that wall), so I still worry about how it comes across but mostly if it's too long-winded or you know, just, good at all. Totally appreciated.

Um, so, like, I approve of your KimxSMAP/KimxGoro ship a lot. I mean, Kim plus anything is explosive hot, but put him with the other boys than you get hot & complexities & history & gck. Kim/Goro is a pairing that came out of nowhere and stole my heart (mostly loins)--it's hot, but not 2TOP hot, I don't know, I sense more sweet between the two (yes, yes, I heart protective Kim' on most days (all days) ) and a part of me dies every time they share a smile (especially the I-don't-think-anyone's-looking kind). Kimura also bites his arm a lot (I like the train of thought that comes out of that every time).

You exceeded the character limit! WAY TO WIN AT LIFE.

I want to apologize for the terrible transitioning and relevancy btw in this reply--imagine an essay without an introduction sentence, thesis and really crappy meat. I'm trying to reply in order here, hahah, sooooo, it must make some semblance of sense somewhere in the world. P:

[dictionarysays.livejournal.com]

/EXCEEDS CHARACTER LIMIT TOO

Seriously. Twice in one day. When will I stop?

But yes! It's funny actually, as I was writing, once I got to the Kim' leaves part, for a split second I thought, am I ending it here?!--but I couldn't do that, it didn't feel as complete as it could be and HELL YES, HAPPY 'FICS FTW. I like angst sprinkled in between, sure, but I still want things to end on a good note (I don't need no princes on horseback, but a salute to reality and the idea that sometimes things can work out is good with me). It also gave me an excuse to write in the other pairings too. ;D

Yesyes to Goro-coffee moment. Shit, TakuGoro. Why so sweet and always in the back of my mind? You like the ending? YOSH. I'm still weary about it but, that's awesome to read, all the same. 'Absolute perfection' is waaaaay too flattering of you, but, I mean, I'll still take that and keep it close and never let it go. xDD

Hahaha, points to you for summing it up like school taught us to. It's because of school I use words like 'in sum' & 'therefore' & 'all in all' on the internetz. It feels wrong but conclusions must be drawn or I don't feel like I've ended a comment! I'm also a huge fan of nonsense and the inability to stop, so seriously. It's all gravy with me. :D

At this point in time, I'm seriously up in the air in terms of who my OTP is. I don't even know if ShinTsuyo still is and when I get drawn into pairings like 2TOP it's like, how the hell do I chooooose? It probably doesn't help that I read every single pairing and flail over 'em and watch all their pairings--I'm just perpetuating this indecision shit. DD:

THANK YOU. Um, yeah. Capslock is always an easy way to end things.

Seriously. Thank you! I was hella' amused (and I think you're great) :DD